Pet Loss

After the death of your pet there are 2 things that make your grief more difficult to handle and prolong the grief as well, and they are:

1. The unique bond and connection of unconditional love between you and your pet means that when your love for your pet is so deep then the grief after the loss of your pet will be equally deep.

2. Lack of understanding and support from the surroundings/community after the death of your pet.

Recognizing the connection between the depth of your love for your pet and the intensity of your grief after his or her death will not remove the suffering, but it might help you better understand why you feel so strongly. It will allow you to and remind you, in the middle of that overwhelming grief after the loss, to reconnect with the love you feel for your pet by looking at pictures of him or her, thinking of fond memories, or maybe writing a poem or 'letter' to him/her expressing your love and what he/she meant to you. I'll go more deeply into that in another newsletter.

As for the lack of understanding from your environment, that might prolong the grief.

Even after the death of a human family member, we are, as I experience it, more or less expected to function normally not long after the loss. It seems as if there is a general expectation that you are supposed to grieve but not too short and not too long.

Whereas after the loss of a human family member you usually get sympathy, understanding, and support from the people around you - at home, at work, from friends - then the depth of the grief after the loss of a pet is generally not understood or supported. You might be lucky enough to have somebody who understands your grief, but most people will expect you to "move on" after a short while. And some people do - people grieve differently - and their connection to their pet might not have been as strong.

But when your pet was more than a pet - a life companion, an indispensible part of your life, then the grief you experience can be even stronger than after losing a human relative. That's because the bond between human and animal, and the love between them is so pure, unconditional, and nonjudgmental. We very rarely experience that to the same degree with other human beings.

So what can you do next?

Reach out to others - in your local area, in forums and support groups in the internet, and you can also work one-on-one with someone who understands what you are going through and who will listen and help you through your grief.